A Bug's Life

In the beginning, two weeks ago, I went into the master bath and heard a slight racket. I leaned in toward the linen closet door and believed there was something in the walls. For those of you who don’t know me—I have an intense fear of bugs, critters, wildlife, etc. My heart started racing and a big lump rose up in my throat as I reached for the doorknob and hoped and prayed that something didn’t jump out at me. Much to my relief nothing happened. I treacherously began moving some things around to see if something would stir—nothing! I thumped on the wall to see if I could hear any motion—nothing! This went on for about a week and as the days went by I got more paranoid.

I began wondering what might be inside the walls. Was there a mouse in the house and if so, was it doing some major damage inside the walls? The more I thought about it the more worked up I got. Then last Sunday as I was stepping out of the tub I heard movement again but this time it sounded as if it was coming from above. I looked up just in time to see what I thought was a wing come thru the air vent. Thus, began the bird in the air vent saga. Was I relieved? No! Because now I began pondering how that thing got in the air vent and how it was going to get out. Okay, if it got stuck then it would probably die in the vent and then stink up my house as it was decomposing. Was I thinking too deeply now?

I got to work on Monday and began talking about what I thought was causing all my grief. My coworkers weren’t helping as they gave their personal opinions of what might be up there. Some said a small bird, a raccoon, and a squirrel and with each new suggestion I got more and more worried. Tuesday evening I noticed that the critter seemed to come to life when I would turn the lights on. I also noticed what I thought was tiny wings on the floor. I put them in a little pill-size Ziploc bag and brought them to work with me. I approached a male colleague who likes to hunt and asked him if he would mind coming out to check things out and he said yes.

I planned the whole rescue. I would shut all the doors so that if it were a bird it would be contained in my bedroom. I would remove the screen from one window and we would shoo it to the great outdoors. I even had an empty box so that if there was a nest it could fall from the air vent into the box and we would relocate the nest to a tree.

Brad got up to the air vent and turned on a light and told me that there was a huge spider in the vent. What! He turned a light on and showed me what appeared to be fangs. Well, you may have well have gotten the smelling salt ready because I was ready to pass out. Then the critter started moving again and he said, “Nope, it’s not a spider it’s a big bumble bee and he showed me the head.” That would explain where the tiny wings came from. I got a knife and Brad cut the head off. He tried to remove the vent cap but it was very secure and we worried that he might break it in removing it. I sprayed bug spray up toward the air vent and turned the vent on. We were pretty confident that there wasn’t a nest because while the vent was running Brad held a piece of toilet paper up to it and the air sucked it up. Thus, there were no airways being blocked.

Brad suggested the following as to “how” the bee may have gotten in. He said they come out in warm weather and get disoriented with cold weather. Our weather has been going to extremes so the bee probably thought it was springtime but then when the sunset it was very cold. Brad believes the bee may have flown into the air vent and got disoriented. Then I turned the blower on and the blades probably chopped some the wings off. The thumping noise was probably the bee trying to fly but it was hovering between the air vent and the blower blades. Once I turned the vent on and left it running for about 45 minutes I opened the flap and IF the bee could get above the blades it could get out the vent.

I am glad to say that I haven’t heard any more strange noises coming from the air vent and I haven’t discovered any more wings. I’m also glad that it wasn’t a spider or bird. Thanks to all my friends at Viewpoints and Twitter who kept me sane during this ordeal. This story, however, only has a happy ending for me because there is one less bee in the world today. They say every story has an ending and every ending is a beginning.